Who kept you safe from Commies in the 80s…why it was me of course.

That title alone should make you all breath a sigh of relief, not because I was some super hero guarding you through the 80s, but because we made it with people like me guarding you through the 80s.

As I am apt to do let me tell you a little story about the kind of people that were on the first line of defense in Europe, guarding the free world against the mighty Iron Curtain. Sounds ominous but in reality I think I’m going to burst your bubble here.

Close you eyes for a moment, seriously close them, closed? Well wait open them because you need to read, of course how would you know that I just said that because your eyes are still closed. Damn, I screwed this up.

Hopefully your eyes are open again. Now imagine yourself back in the 80s, Ronald Regan is president, he has declared the Soviet Union the Evil Empire and there is a massive build up of arms and armed forces. I am smack dab in the middle of this cold war stationed in Germany, on HQ USEUCOM that’s Headquarters United States European Command, this is THE post in Europe for US Forces (Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines) All branches of service stationed on the same post. We were the Military Police Officers charged with keeping order on this post that was constantly buzzing with activity.

I had a roommate named Jeff H. I won’t reveal his last name because, well if he was telling the story I wouldn’t want him giving my last name out. Jeff and I had some good times together and did some really stupid things that I’m sure will make this blog at some point.

Jeff just bought one of those new fangled VCRs that were all the rage back in the 80s and we hooked it up in our room. Now we needed movies so we went down to the Audio Visual Center and rented two scary movies. The Evil Dead and Salem’s Lot. We were pretty psyched (such an 80s word) to watch movies right there in our room.

First the Evil Dead, WTF is wrong with Sam Rami, this from the director of Spiderman? Ok so I didn’t know he was going to go on and direct Spiderman back then but this movie is just disturbing…so much so that I have the entire series in my DVD collection. Crazy tree raping, and cut up body parts and some creepy possessed lady locked in the basement, if you’ve never seen it please rent it, just not with little kids around. We were in our gory glory…sick twisted demented movies right there in our very own room.

Once Evil Dead was finished it was time for the movie I had been waiting for Salem’s Lot, I read the book years before and was really psyched (there it is again) to see this one. By this time it was very dark outside, a light mist had come in off the moors, a lone wolf could be heard howling in the distance. OK not really but it was dark. Now if you’ve seen the movie then you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about when I say The Window scene. If not, well spoiler alert!!!!!!This kid’s brother, who has become a Vampire, comes a calling on his brother. There is a fog behind him as he begins to tap on his brother’s window, you see the window is closed and everyone knows a Vampire can’t enter a house without being invited in. So his brother in all his creepy scary vampire makeup in knocking on the window telling is brother to let him in. FREAKING SCARY RIGHT??? Your damn right it was. See for yourself…remember this 1980s scary!

So the movie ends, and we’ve got duty early in the morning, it’s time for bed. He slept on one side of the room and I slept on the other, between us were two large lockers so we had some privacy in our rooms. On each side where we slept we had HUGE windows that opened out so we could let the fresh German air in to cool us off on a hot summer night, which OF COURSE was this night. Our windows were wide open.

I get in bed as quick as I can and so does Jeff, neither of us has turned out the light, we argue for 10 minutes over who is going to turn out the light because we’re Chicken Poop, suddenly I realize my window is open, I say “Jeff, is your window open?” He says “Yes” aww crap! What now, I tell him to look outside and see if there is anything there, he tells me to “F Off” and that I should be doing the looking. I said “Dude, if our windows are open the vampires can just come in” BAM wide awake for the rest of the night, we managed to shut our windows but spent the rest of the night watching the only German TV station we got and jumping at every rap tap tapping at our chamber windows.

These are the brave souls that guarded your freedom, protected you from Communist rule, and ensured the American way of life on the Front Lines of the Cold War far off in Germany….. If you only knew.

Share on Facebook