What PTSD is for me.
ByIt’s National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. Please reach out to numbers listed below if you need help.
I want to share with you what PTSD is for me. I call them…
My visitors.
They are always with me hiding in the shadows waiting for me to close my eyes. That’s when they come out of the darkness. Invading my dreams never letting me forget.
I can still hear the cries, I can still hear the pleas. I can still smell the decay, I can still see the lifeless eyes. I can still feel their final touch. I can still hear their final breath, the voice saying don’t let me die. I can see the blood, on my hands. I can smell the blood. I hear the sirens. I see the lights. I hear crying. Screaming. I feel pain. Screaming on the inside but showing no emotion on the outside. I’m there in the moment I want to run but I have no where to hide.
I’m so tired but I don’t want to sleep, my visitors await me in slumber. Leading me down unexplored paths and places I don’t want to go. Exposing my vulnerabilities, exploiting my weaknesses, never letting me forget.
They walk with me. They are always with me. Waiting for me to just close my eyes. I don’t want to close my eyes. They beckon me.
Close your eyes. I don’t want to be visited any more! Close your eyes. I know you’re waiting for me! Close your eyes. I must keep them open! Close your eyes. I see you, in the darkness! Close your eyes. I can hear you! Close your eyes. I still can’t help you! Close your eyes. Where are we going!?!
Close… your…eyes…they step out of the shadows…I am with them again.
If you or someone you know is in an emergency, call 911 immediately.
If you are in crisis or are experiencing difficult or suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273 TALK (8255)
If you’re uncomfortable talking on the phone, you can also text NAMI to 741-741 to be connected to a free, trained crisis counselor on the Crisis Text Line.
