I Want to Be a Secretary


(Please read with the exaggerated 1940’s announcer style voice)

That’s right girls, no Executive Assistant here, no sir, straight up YOU WANT TO BE A SECRETARY. Congratulations on your ambitious career choice. Choice? Of course you have a choice, Secretary or stay at home mom taking care of the kids.

Ah yes, striving to be all that you can be, no silly, not in the Army, but in the office, being subservient to men, doing what all woman were born to do… be a Secretary.

No ordinary classes for you, no m‘am, you’re on your way straight to ADVANCED CLERICAL STUDIES.

But first…we pay a visit to the routine clerical room. Where the girls are lucky enough to have windows looking out on the fakest cityscape I’ve ever seen. The girls in this room require supervision because the job is so hard. Remember ladies, this was before computers, voicemail, e-mail, Microsoft office, so much to do. Hand typing and filing, sounds hard doesn’t it? It sure does, but in 1941 your little brains couldn’t handle the work load. You’ve trained hard to get to this room, you’ve trained in accuracy and speed (what college courses give you that? I need that for my next run, especially the speed part.)

What’s that we hear? The pitter patter of typewriters down the hall…why it’s the stenographic department, where some of the girls are transcribing short hand notes and typing form letters that can’t be duplicated…no copy machines for you…making copies, the ladies, the feminine one, the I want to be a secretary, making copies, and cutting stencils for the “duplicating machines” (remember the ditto copies we got in elementary school, why the hell did they smell so good? Because they got us HIGH that’s why, crazy ditto sniffing kids, get the hell off my lawn!).

The average typist has had a year or two of training beyond high school, that’s right you went to college or trade school for 2 years just to TYPE. I’m so proud of you! 70 to 90 words per minute hot damn you are cooking now mama!

Of course do your job well and there is a BIG FAT PROMOTION in it for you….DITTO ROOM WOOO HOOOO!!!! What’s that??? MEN in the duplicating room? Oh Oh Ladies. But , your in luck because “girls” are preferred on routine jobs. Men handle the harder more intense duplicating tasks that require speed and accuracy, your puny 1941 brains can’t handle it.

Ok I’m gonna just say it right here…what the frick is up with Ms. Lee’s hair??? I mean what the hell is that style. She looks like an oomph loompa. Come on you know you thought the same thing.

Wow but Ms. Lee has got it going on, her MOST important job is making appointments for the president of the company. You go Girlfriend…you go! You use that tact to keep everyone contented, and that hair to get the bratty blueberry kid down to the squeezing room!

June now knows she needs college to get that fantastic job of Secretary, of course it is important to get a man’s approval so even after asking Mom and Dad she asks Mr. Adams if he thinks she could “make a go of it.”

Let’s review June’s aptitude test, no indication she’d be good at any other job but secretary. After a few more questions with Mr. Adams, June discovers she would make a GREAT secretary (imagine that.)

Unfortunately the apocalypse happens at the end of the movie and June is reduced to a Zombie staring off into some dark void typing the same thing over and over again…All work and no play makes June a dull girl…all work and no play makes June a dull girl…all work and no play makes June a dull girl…all work and no play makes June a dull girl…

Categories : Ramblings

Leave a Reply