Going Steady in 1951 gets a modern day update.By
If you’ve ever faced the “problem” of going steady (read having sex) this video is for you.
You see Marie and Jeff have been exclusively going steady (having crazy monkey sex), only they didn’t know it, because they never talked about it (read Marie is real easy and Jeff is a dog). Mom questions Marie about her seeing Jeff too often (read she over heard them in her room just the other night), and asks Marie why she doesn’t date other boys (read be the school slut). Marie says no one will call her and neither does Jeff (read Jeff is a douche but knows Marie will be waiting for her, other guys see Marie as a tramp). Mother says she hopes Jeff isn’t taking certain “liberties” with Marie (read getting his freak on) and Marie feigns shock (read wishes Jeff had her on the couch right now). By the way Mother looks like Mrs. Gulch from the Wizard of Oz. Marie’s little brother just then hangs up the phone and says sheepishly, “That was Alice, she wants me to come over and make some fudge with her.” (read…really? Do I need to infer something for this one? It really speaks for itself).
Jeff wants to ask Diane out to the Senior Class play (read wants to get in her panties) but she is already going steady with Hal (read already doing the nasty with someone else she likes better). Then she says she already knows Jeff is going steady with Marie (read putting his key in her ignition) and that she is her friend and couldn’t do that (read Marie told Diane Jeff cries after doing the deed). Jeff then talks to himself as he pulls out a picture of Marie and reminisces about all the “fun” (read getting his Dinky Stinky) he and Marie have had
Now Jeff is at home playing checkers with his Father (read not getting his Ramen Noodle cooked) and can’t actually play because all that’s on his mind is if he is going steady or not (ever going to put his spoon in the pudding again). Jeff quits and tells his dad “I guess I better not play anymore because I’m not so hot” (read Apparently so Jeff…apparently so) Dad leans back and asks what’s wrong (read what’s up your ass, son) and Jeff tells him his dilemma. He tells his Dad that the kids are all saying he and Marie are going steady (read foraging for cherries). Dad replies well you haven’t dated anyone else for awhile (read You haven’t been firing your photon torpedo at anyone else lately). Jeff says “We haven’t even talked about going steady and Dad, looks over at Mom and says “You sort of just go steady.” (read do the horizontal monkey mambo)..watch the sly look Dad gives Mom, Dad is GETTING SOME TONIGHT!!! Dad then goes on and tells Jeff that he’s been in the habit of dating Marie (read doing the tube snake boogie) and then tells him not to commit (way to go Dad!!!!). Dad tells him that they used to worry about him going steady when he was younger (read we weren’t ready to be grandparents) but now that he is older they feel he is better able to cope with going steady (read you have the box a raincoats I bought you). Mom chimes in here and says Jeff’s played the field for some time now and the first time he goes steady he shouldn’t expect it to be permanent (read…Holy Hell Mom is telling me to go out and use other girls..SWEET!!!!) Dad then tells Jeff that “Mother and I went steady for quite awhile, but it wasn’t the first time for either of us” (read..did Dad just call Mom a whore?). Mom goes off on some marriage tangent when Jeff says who’s thinking about getting married Dad perks up, angry and tells Jeff “A lot of people do start thinking about marriage before they’ve had the chance to get to know other people” ( read Dad is pissed because Mom got pregnant young and now he is trapped in this God Forsaken death trap of a marriage, that is until the boy goes to college then he’ll leave her for that cute little secretary he just hired, that’s right keep talking BITCH.) Sorry got carried away.
Diane is now doing Marie’s hair and of course she rats Jeff out but in reality it sounds as if perhaps, and maybe this is just me, you know wild and crazy me, she is hinting at a Ménage à trois, even if you don’t think so, I’m going with that version. Marie starts talking about “circulating” (read being just as easy as Diane) and asks if she’s “old enough” Diane of course has been the class go to girl since 7th grade and asks “how old should you be?” Then she starts talking about her and Hal and how good it is to know you belong to somebody (read she is submissive). Marie then seriously asks about “petting” concerned that you can get too deeply involved if you’re going steady (Marie…what have we been talking about this entire movie??? Did you actually think it was about going steady?) Diane lectures about some boys thinking they can take advantage of you after a few dates but you have to know when to stop. Marie says “that isn’t the way she wants it to be, it sounds crude knowing when to stop.” (There’s the Marie all the boys know and Love!).
Jeff shows up at Maries house, unannounced I might add, and after asking her to the senior dance (read he got shot down by Diane again) they sit on the couch and listen to records (read take the skin boat to tuna town.)
There you have what they were really saying to our parents in 1951 OR the type of movies they’d be showing in High School today if they still showed films like this. Now I invite you to watch the video and see if you don’t agree.
Have a nice day boys and girls.