French Kissing In The USA!


French Kissing

French Kissing

The summer between 8th and 9th grade was the summer of Penny. I used to ride my bike to her house, we’d have a glass of something, soda, iced tea, or lemonade, and then ride our bikes to the playground at the elementary school by her house. There we explored Kissing (ok giggles are allowed). When I tell you I had NO CLUE I mean I had NO CLUE. I didn’t know the first thing about French Kissing, but I know it felt kind of awkward just pressing lips together for along time, but she didn’t know much either because that’s all we did…DAMN IT I was Naive!

So I spent the better part of the month of July kissing Penny and then I was sent to Texas-My Mom decided I should go visit my sister who was currently stationed in Texas with her husband who was in the Army. Talking about slamming the brakes!!! Any chance I had to finally figure out French kissing or even French Canadian Kissing (not sure what that is but I bet it involves a moose head.) came to a screeching halt! While Texas was nice it was FREAKING HOT in August MOM! Thanks a lot! So this is where apparently I grew, something in the water in Texas because I got tall and walked into 9th grade taller but Penniless. Yeah I don’t know what happened between Penny and I, I got a few letters from her when I was in Texas, but she must have found some guy that knew how to French kiss and off she went.

High School…GULP! 9th grade was sort of terrifying…I was really awkward not having yet mastered walking in the huge feet I acquired over the summer, in fact, I distinctly recall falling FLAT on my face as I got off the bus at school the very first day…uggghhh.

Now I would describe myself as neutral, I wasn’t a “Burnout” (the kids that smoked and dressed in ACDC and Led Zeppelin shirts with a flannel shirt over it) and I wasn’t a “Preppy” (No Izod shirts for me). I was a blue jean wearing button down shirt kind of guy. I had friends on both sides of the fence. But I wasn’t partaking in the burnout lifestyle, yet I seemed to attract a Burnout girl. In particular Ann Marie..she was in one of my classes, I think it was Social Studies.

You know how that whole thing works, “Hey man, Ann Marie likes you she thinks you’re cute.” “She does?” “Yeah, do you like her?” “Well, what did she say exactly?” “Dude, she said she likes you!” “Really? Well Yeah I guess I like her.” Let me be honest here, I didn’t really care that much for Ann Marie (Ann if you’re reading this SORRY) but I’m 15 years old-HORMONES-they are screaming at me to get some female companionship YESTERDAY.

I had no clue what I was getting into and neither did poor old Ann Marie. Remember the extent of my experience in girls was kissing Penny at the playground, French Kissing hadn’t yet entered my vocabulary, or if it had I had no clue how to or when to…Damn! There is way too much confusion in this growing up stuff.

I asked Ann Marie on a date.

So our first date was at the Roller Skating Rink, where I was establishing myself as Pottsie’s brother-allow me to elaborate-My Brother Jimmie was two years ahead of me and was Mr. Popular and had a lot of girls digging his scene if you know what I mean. So I had some residual success because of my brother, who happened to work at the skating rink as a floor guard. Thanks Jimmie! I remember showing up at the skating rink with Ann Marie (who I forgot to mention had failed the 9th grade the year before so she was older than me-that’s right an older woman!) My brother questioned my choice of girls-now Ann Marie wasn’t ugly she just wasn’t overly attractive, she was tall and razor thin, long brown hair, too much make-up, black ACDC T-shirt and a snaggle tooth-Like a Jewel snaggle tooth, not a wicked witch of the West snaggle tooth.

So we skated, held hands, had a snack, drank some soda, skated some more blah blah blah…Suddenly I’m on the far side of the skating rink, Ann Marie is no where to be found and the lights dim, “Ladies Choice”-I think Gino Vanelli was playing (Holy Crap the memory I have). Suddenly from behind I’m pulled towards the benches in the darkest corner of the skating rink, amongst the discarded coats and jackets that were all over the place, I fall back on the bench, my back bangs hard against the wall. Holy Crap I’m getting mugged, I only have $5.00, please don’t hit me in the face…MOMMY I’m too young to die…HELP HELP HELP!!!! OH-Ann Marie, hey what’s up? I knew it was her the whole time! Suddenly Ann Marie is sitting on my lap…. Now I’m looking into her eyes, briefly and I flash back to Penny on the Monkey Bars. Oh Hey, I’m supposed to kiss her here, my eyes close as I move in. Lips puckered for one of my famous lip lock kisses, what the..??? Is that her tongue? Is she pushing it against my lips? What the hell is she doing-Damn her tongue is strong, some how it is forcing my lips apart, the next thing I know tongues are darting all over the place. Suddenly my tongue had a mind of its own I explored that snaggle tooth.

This lasted for about a month-noooo not the kiss Ann Marie and I, I think it was mutual, I wasn’t experienced enough for her. Ann Marie liked fast cars and faster men (or something like that) and I wasn’t into the whole cigarette smoking burnout lifestyle. My children weren’t gonna have a burnout for a mom. (Unless we consider Cheri a Burnout?) So it ended awkwardly- we didn’t talk, and Ann Marie slowly faded away-like Penny POOOF she was gone. In fact I don’t remember seeing Ann Marie after the 9th grade, for all I know she failed again and is still in 9th grade.

So that’s my experience on French Kissing-Everyone has their first and that was mine-is French Kissing over rated? My tongue doesn’t think so. Now you see that little ‘Comment” link down below??? Share your First Kiss memories RIGHT THERE for all the world to see…wishful thinking I know but I like to pretend the whole world reads my blog.

Categories : Family Life

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