Archive for Devious Animals
A few years back it was time to introduce my fiancé’s parents to my mother and my step father. This of course was the proper thing to do, we were getting married and whether they liked it or not they were going be family, so we had to introduce them.
My mother was excited to be meeting Cheri’s parents, my step father wasn’t as enthused. Not because he wasn’t going to like them or even that he didn’t want to meet them, that’s just the way he was. My mother planned an elaborate meal, I promised Cheri I’d be on my best behavior and off we went. I know my step father made the same promise to be on his best behavior, we did tend to be a bit crude when we got together and talked. We knew this was off limits this night.
We drove to South Jersey, Egg Harbor, where my Mom lives. A drive I was very happy to survive, my mother in law complains I drive too fast, but her husband drove about 30 mph too slow and drifted dangerously close to cars on both sides of the line. God and I were having a continuous conversation all the way down as I promised to be good if he allowed me to survive this trip South. He did and I was, for another couple of hours at least.
We arrived in one piece and I immediately asked my Mom for a glass of wine to calm my nerves. Pleasantries were exchanged, we sat and talked a bit before dinner. We talked about Cheri and my wedding, we were lectured on how hard life was going to be at times…boy they WERE NOT KIDDING. Children, blah, blah, blah, my wife accuses me of not listening to her or something like that.
Mom announces that dinner was ready and we gather around the table, still exchanging pleasantries, I’m sure we talked about the weather the state of the economy and whatever else wouldn’t get me in trouble. Cheri leaned over to me a few times and reminded me to behave myself and not embarrass her. Embarrass her? THAT”S WHAT I DO! Cheri that’s my thing, I’m supposed to embarrass you, you better get used to it now (she has) or this marriage thing will never work (it has).
Dinner is going well, I’ve actually done very well, no rude or crude things said by me. Conversation is flowing, everyone seems to be really enjoying themselves. I spoke of my time in Germany and the conversation turned to food. We discussed the type of food there was in Germany, my step father spoke of the strange stuff he ate in England. Just generic conversation about the menus of those Countries. Neither of us had slipped up, we were behaving ourselves
My soon to be Father in Law, who had been stationed in Alaska while he was in the service, innocently turned to me and asked me, as serious as anyone could be, “Have you ever eaten Beaver?” I looked wide eyed at my soon to be wife who looked at me with mouth wide open but with eyes that said if you say anything I will NOT marry you. At that moment I turned to my step father and looked at him and he said to me “He can’t say that.” All food I had in my mouth shot out in my hand as I tried desperately to stifle my laugh. It was not happening, I got up from the table ran to the back of the house doubled over in laughter. As the title of my blog suggest, this was a true Snot Bubble moment. I laughed so hard I was crying on the beanbag chair in the back room of my mom’s house.
My soon to be wife came back to me with terror in her eyes because she was mustering all the energy she could to not laugh at the table, she joined me in laughter in the back room.
We rejoined the dinner party about 10 minutes later, we sat, I giggled a few times but quickly stopped each time I was punched in the leg by my wife. The conversation turned to other things and my father in law and I never spoke of food again.
There is this squirrel, it could actually be a gang of squirrels I don’t know, but he (they) must be homeless because he is always rooting around in the garbage can at work. The garbage can is near the employee entrance so everytime you walk out there this squirrel comes flying out of the garbage and scares the crap out of you EVERYTIME. He chatters as he runs away so I can only imagine him and his little other homeless buddy squirrels are all laughing at each person every time they do this.
If they are so smart as to figure out how to scare the hell out of me everyday, why can’t they make up their damn minds on which way to run when they’re crossing the street…silly squirrels. As I said before, Squirrels, natures speed bumps.
Enjoy the video and imagine each one of these being squirrels and you’ll get the idea.